So hard to find the right words here, Susie, because clearly you suffered during your father's time alive. There is always regret after someone dies, but it's a huge lesson for us all to try to be kind, and understanding, in our lives. I was a teacher for many years and I always felt that when children behaved badly, there was always a reason. Perhaps that is so with your father. If you could access his history the reason would be there. Be kind to yourself. Lovely to meet you.