I shared this with Alistair, my husband, who experienced similar, but not so soul-crushing experiences when he was looking for acceptance for his PhD. and to take leave to do it.

His boss for instance, wouldn't give him leave, because he felt he wasn't capable, so Alistair said he was going anyway.

The truth was that he couldn't do without him.

As for persistence, he wrioe to every university in Australia, and got ONE acceptance.

He tells me that what he went through, pales into insignificance when he reads your accounts.