Hello Rachel, something we have in common (apart from being Brits) is that we don't cry so well.

Some of my friends can cry without so much as a slight skin-colour change, while I am lobster-red. It's a not a great look ... and yet you posted this. Well done to you.

More seriously, I really don't know how anyone picks up the pieces after their husband suicides. I just don't.

( I know you have, since all of this, re-married, so I hope you're fine with this comment!).

It's been eight months since my husband died (of sepsis). I had 24 hours to get used to living life without him.

It's not all roses and there are times when I lose it (not in front of others) but usually when I am trying to do something (like cleaning the coffee machine, something I had no idea about!).

All of these problems I solve through the university of YouTube. That's making me feel so much stronger.

I know with your little boy you have to be strong, and that's a great thing, but it's also a great thing to try to work out the why of what he did, and the pain he caused.

Sending you hugs. 💖💖💖